How to Prevent Depression in Teenagers

Now I’m not an expert, but I do read a lot. I’m obsessed with the mind, mental health, and human emotions and behaviour. And I also suffered depression as a teenager. 

So I’ve come to a few conclusions based on the evidence I’ve gathered over the years and I’m going to share them here for you, and we’ll see if you get on board with me by the end of it or not.

Depression is a symptom of disconnection. 

That is the absolute truth. No exceptions. 

Disconnection from what? It varies. It can be disconnection from a sense of purpose, disconnection from friends and family, disconnection from society as a whole or disconnection from your soul / source energy / spirit / divine guidance. 

When we’re babies we are hardwired for connection. We scream and cry to have our needs met, to have our care-givers come running and feed us, change us and hold us. We are the only species that can literally die as newborns if we are not held. 

Our whole childhood is defined by this need to stay connected. If we aren’t noticed, prioritised, care for or shown love we adapt. We become rebellious to get attention, caring to get approval, we become brilliant at school or sport to get validation, we become sick so we get affection. 

The innate, primal need of a human child to stay connected to its parents / caregivers overrides everything else in that childs’ life, because if they aren’t connected they could die. 

A two-year old can’t fend for themselves, they can’t make food or drive a car, they can’t make phone calls, they are completely reliant on the people around them. And so, connection = life. 

Which can only mean one thing to the black and white ego mind. 

Disconnection = death. 

And this is where the dark cloud of depression comes in. 

When we don’t feel like we belong, when we don’t feel like we fit in, when we wear a mask because we aren’t proud of who we truly are and when we hide ourselves away because we feel like no-one understands us…

We feel disconnected. Isolated. Alone. Scared. Abandoned. Rejected. Worthless. 

I suffered with these feelings as a teenager. I had scoliosis, and had to have quite a serious operation when I was 12. I had 5 months off school, and when I came back I was wearing a back brace, I could do PE, and I had lost a lot of weight. 

I had just been through such a huge ordeal, and the girls were talking about Take That. I just couldn’t relate. I felt like I couldn’t talk to them about what I’d been through, or how sad and alone I was feeling because I didn’t think anyone would understand. Or that they might laugh at me, or think I was weird. 

So I suppressed my feelings. And suppression leads to depression. 

When you have all these feelings, and you don’t share them, you feel alienated, different and it makes it difficult to connect. 

Connection takes courage, trust and vulnerability. 

What I needed when I was 13 and struggling, was for someone to ask me if I was okay. To ask me how I was feeling and be available for my honest answer. I needed to feel it was safe to confide in them, to tell them how alone and lost I felt without judgment. 

And this was such a beautiful learning experience for me, because I aim to cultivate this environment of safety, trust and openness with my 9-year-old daughter every day. 

As parents, we have a responsibility to create a relationship with our children that allows them to be their whole selves with us and know they are loved and accepted no matter what. It sounds easy, but when you have experienced trauma yourself, it is far more complex than people are comfortable admitting. 

I know in my own experience how difficult it has been to put aside my programming, and really listen to what my daughter is saying, and allow her to be fully expressed. The amount of times I’ve fought the urge to squash her, silence her or criticise her. 

But it’s our job to fight every day. We are the change-makers. We are the generational trauma breakers. We are the parents who are fortunate enough to have a new level of awareness that our parents never had (God bless them). 

I love my daughter with a passion that is barely contained. I will do anything to be the mother she deserves and avoid her suffering with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety as an adult. 

I know it may sound like a lot of pressure, there’s no denying the role we play in our child’s sense of self-worth, confidence and self-love. 

But again, it comes back to something so simple. 

If we want our children to be happy, they need to feel connected.

To us, to themselves, to the world around them. They need to know above all else that they belong. That they are accepted just as they are and they are unconditionally loved. 

So ask yourself, what can I do to connect with them?Ask them how they would like to connect with you.Then take action to implement the changes. 

A few months ago my daughter was chatting to me as we were eating dinner, and she said ‘One thing I would love to do, is you play Roblox with me’.

I tried to move her character once, and fell straight off the platform. So my nose turned up at this, but I heard the words she said, and I know how important it must be for her. So I said ‘Do you mean, I watch you play Roblox?’

She said ‘No, I want you to have a character so you can play with me in the games, because I always have to play on my own.’

So I got my laptop out and I created a Roblox account, and now we sit side by side and I am her baby in the Role Play games. She puts me in a shopping trolley and pushes me around the supermarket and then I jump out and crawl away and we have a giggle. 

And honestly, its a lot more fun than I thought it would be. Plus I can walk around now as I have a mouse which is imperative for the elderly. 

If it keeps us connected, I’m in. 

Nikki Retigan, RTT Therapist and Coach at Inner Belief